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Monday, March 6th, 2006
11:59 am - You deserve better.
I'm watching, from a distance, the suffering of someone I used to be very close to. And it's unnecessary. Had her problems been properly addressed when they started, when she acknowledged them, maybe it wouldn't be so bad right now.

But then again, sometimes treatment sucks just as much as being fucked up and depressed in the first place.

I just wish I could help, but I don't know that I'll ever be in a position where I could. Though she's willing to talk to me, I don't think I'll ever be as important to her as I once was, so it probably wouldn't mean much to say "I wish this wasn't happening to you. You deserve better."

current mood: sad

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Saturday, February 25th, 2006
1:36 pm - Nine Inch Nails... live!
For the past week or so I had begun to regret not buying a ticket to Friday's Nine Inch Nails show. They were absolutely my favorite band for such a long time, but I was so disappointed in With Teeth that I didn't wanna go... I didn't wanna hear that shit live. And I was fairly content with my decision not to go until it came closer to the actual concert, and all of my friends were talking about it, and EVERYONE was going, including my little sister of all people...

Thursday was a bad day anyway, so I went to bed in a bad mood, irritated that I'd have to go to work the next day (the ONLY day I was scheduled to work this week, mind you) and that Saturday I'd get to hear about how fucking great the concert was and how I should have been there...

I checked my e-mail as soon as I woke up Friday and there was an e-mail from my buddy Jeb saying he had an extra ticket and asking me if I wanted to go. I was in complete and absolute utter shock... and excitement. I very quickly called him, then called in sick to work as I waited for him to call me back, which he very promptly did and told me he'd pick me up at 5:30. Yaaay!

I think he pulled into my driveway right at 5:30, honestly. Such a Virgo, haha. We went to his friends' house, Bo (which I may or may not be spelling correctly) and Steve, who I liked immediately. I'm so awkward about meeting people for the first time, but I just felt comfortable with them immediately and they were so sweet. They were decked out in their leather vests and wrist cuffs, it was AWESOME. The coolest part about them is they live in this totally conservative kinda yuppie neighborhood. Who knew, right?

We went to Chilli's for dinner, and we stuck out like a sore thumb, I'm sure. Jeb was the most conservative among us, with like a button up striped shirt and a nice jacket (which was still kinda rock 'n roll but but played-down rock 'n roll)... I think he was the only one wearing any color. I was rockin' a fishnet shirt and my facial piercings, of course... and then Bo and Steven in their leather. It was great. Our gay waiter caught on to them immediately (Jeb already knew him from having come in there before) and even sat down to ask advice on what to do about having to work with a coworker/ex-boyfriend who was causing drama. Ahhh, classic.

From there, we were concert bound... Jeb and I driving separately from Bo and Steve. I was expecting traffic/parking to be much worse, but it wasn't too bad. On the way in, Jeb and I joked that I was like Goldilocks and the three bears, but not quite, since my hair is black... so he modified that to Ravenlocks and the Three Bears. Hahaha!

Me and Jeb are some hateful bitches, apparently, because we could not STOP making fun of people. And these people really deserved it, too. All the goth trailer trash from the surrounding counties decided to come out in full glory... there were even some juggalo kids (it's almost obligatory at this point, honestly... I've never been to a concert where I didn't see at least two or three juggalos hanging around). Of course there were plenty of corsets, spiked heels, vinyl, fishnet (which I'm guilty of too, but I'm cooler/hotter than everyone else, so it doesn't matter) hair dyed with Manic Panic and pockets full of Hot Topic receipts. Oh, JOY.

Our seats were pretty good, actually... we were in a front row but not floor. We came in about halfway through the opening act's set. I don't even know who they were (their name wasn't on the ticket), but they had that pseudo-Killers sound that is starting to become so popular now. They were okay, just a weird band to be opening for NIN, really. The music played between sets ROCKED. Oh my god. New Order, fucking JOY DIVISION, The Rapture... holy crap. Jeb and I were just so excited.

Nine Inch Nails started with Pinion, which was fucking GREAT... perfect way to begin a show if you ask me. I can't really remember the order of songs from there... but Trent started old school and that was good for me... he played more from Pretty Hate Machine than I expected, really. Let me say their stage set up was pretty fucking impressive. Really excellent sense of lighting and such... I can't even describe it but it was wonderful.

The mood changed about halfway through, started playing some more mellow stuff and the visualizations kicked in. They used a lot of stock footage of things like... cell division, a lot of animal-in-the-wild stuff... but some of it was really political which surprised the shit out of me. There was even a clip of George and Laura Bush dancing at one of the inauguration balls... which incited chants of "BUSH SUCKS" and "FUCK BUSH". Rock out.

Trent only really spoke once, and it was positive. He talked about how important music was and how it saved his life, and how he didn't care about being played on the radio or success or money, he was just happy to play his music and share it with the people who love it. And then he ended the show with Head Like a Hole, and I can't imagine a better way to end the night, really. Oh yeah I can... IF HE HAD DONE A FUCKING ENCORE. Jesus, seriously. I was disappointed, I was really expecting it. Oh well.

I can't bitch too much, it was much better than I expected it to be... and I may even give With Teeth another chance. Plus, I was in really good company, which was the most killer part of the experience :)

current mood: hungry

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Friday, February 24th, 2006
1:02 am - Penn Jillette rocks my socks off.
I've always been a fan of Penn and Teller... whenever they had a TV special I'd watch it as a kid. I kept hearing good things about their show, Bullshit!, but didn't really get around to seeing it until its second season started. I've seen every episode to date, and am in anticipation of season four...

In the meantime, I have Penn Jillette's daily radio show to listen to, which FUCKING ROCKS. You should listen to, if you know what's good for you (or if you happen to enjoy listening to the opinions of a very outspoken atheist libertarian for about 45 minutes every day).

current mood: calm

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Thursday, February 23rd, 2006
11:48 am - My personal, ongoing disposable razor dilemma.
Why can't disposable women's razors be made with the same effectiveness as disposable men's razors? Fuckin' seriously. I mean, I do think it is safe to say that overall women do a lot more shaving than men do.

This is my problem: I run out of razors, I go shopping... I'm lookin' around... what's the first thing to catch my eye? The fucking pinkest, girliest package of razors available. I'm drawn to it immediately, every time. Most of the time, I'm in a hurry, so I just look at the price, glance over the package once or twice and just take them anyway... even though I know the men's razors are cheaper and work a hell of a lot better, THEY AREN'T PINK AND PRETTY.

I know it's stupid and doesn't make any sense but it's like I can't help it. In the moment, my brain can't focus on being practical... it's all about aesthetics. And then I get all excited about my pretty girly razors until I'm actually in the shower and I have to shave over the same area about three times to get everything. And that shit is fucking lame.

To get a powerful, effective women's razor, one has to spend the same amount that it costs to buy a pack of 5 for one, and despite having a severe impairment when it comes to being commonsensical, I just can't make myself do it. Guh.

current mood: crazy

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Saturday, February 18th, 2006
4:11 pm - Animal cruelty?
Last night as I was leaving work, I heard someone make an announcement over the PA that a black lab was found in the parking lot, and if you were the owner of said dog, please come to the front of the store to retrieve it or whatever. I saw the girl who made the announcement, and apparently one of the guys from lawn and garden found the dog wandering around in the parking lot. When I was walking out the door, I saw him sitting with the dog, waiting for the mystery owner to arrive.

I got into my ride's car and this lady pulled up in front of us, drivin' all crazy like she's in a hurry. She parked aburptly and ran into the store. On the back of her car there were all of these stickers about PETA, veganism, laboratory liberation, and the like.

I knew immediately she was the owner of the dog, and I made sure to stick around long enough to confirm my suspicions.

God I fucking hate people.

current mood: annoyed

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Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
4:50 am - Launch!
Well, my personal website is finally online! VOILA!


current mood: drained

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Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
3:18 pm - Starting over...
Yeah, for those of you I've added already, you've probably figured out who this is. I made a new LiveJournal because the other one I've just had for so long... I really want to disassociate myself with a lot of stuff written there. Start over, I guess.

I'll have this in addition to my blog, probably cross-posting a lot. Though, I plan to use this in case I feel like making more personal posts that I don't want to really make public.

I can't explain what my desire is to post in these stupid things, but I can't keep myself from it. Such a loser. Hahaha.

current mood: sore

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3:18 am - Night out.
Tonight consisted of: new friends, old friends, gay friends, straight friends, karaoke, hanging out with an American Idol contestant, and CALAMARI! I could not have asked for a better "girls' night out".

Jesus, I forgot how much Mia's fucking ROCKS. Though, I always feel a little weird when people ask me if I'm straight or not. I always say no, but then they automatically assume I'm a lesbian, but that's not true either.

Most people don't understand how lonely it is to not be exclusively attracted to one sex. It feels like my gay friends see me as mostly straight, and my straight friends see me as mostly gay. And I still get that bisexual label thrown at me. I just... see people as people...

Then I feel like maybe I'm being pretentious for rejecting the bisexual label. I can't help it though, I truly hate it, and I don't feel like it applies to me. I would love to be able to openly call myself pansexual, but no one understands what it means and its more trouble than its worth to explain.

Anyway, all hang ups about my sexuality aside, I had a great fucking night.

current mood: complacent

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